Knock Knock

Matthew 7:7

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; 

knock and the door will be opened to you

I think this passage is taken a little too literally at our house.  Leading on from the fact that when the telephone rings and is almost never for me, let us now talk about answering the door.  I am convinced that the population of Blackburn, aged 16 or under, have installed a version of a two-way mirror into the side wall of our house.


We sit down for a meal... any meal... it doesn't matter what time of day it is but you can guarantee that approximately 4.8 seconds after I pick up my knife and fork someone will start hammering on the front door. It's the same when we've cleared up after said meal and I go to sit down in the lounge.  This time, I am allowed to get comfortable before I am disturbed.

*knock knock*

I wait

*knock knock*

a bit louder this time but I still wait

I know it's not for me

it's for one of the boys

*knock knock*

OH FUCKING HELL... I'LL GET IT SHALL I? 

(rhetorical question) 

YEAH KEV, YOU JUST SIT THERE, FOR FUCKS SAKE

I open the door with a smile on my face

Jake is usually out playing already so I direct his friends to where he has gone (why the HELL they don't look first is beyond me - it's always one of three places: the cul-de-sac across the road, Alex's trampoline or the park)
Michael is usually in his bedroom, with the door pushed to, with his X-Box game and music and computer all at full blast.  If it is one of his friends I usually shout "MICHAEL... MICHAEL... MICHAEL... (as loud as I can get) MICHAEL... DOOR!!
He comes down and asks if his friend(s) can come in.  He knows they can but I appreciate him asking anyway.  All friends take off their shoes, head off upstairs and that's it from them for about three hours.

*knock knock*

Hello, is Jake in?

He's already out

(repeat approximately 6 times over the course of an evening)

*knock knock*

Is Biscuit in? (Michaels nickname - long story)

erm... cue more hollering up the stairs

*knock knock*

Hi, Kev asked me to bring this radio round

Come in.  Do you want a brew?

*knock knock*

Have you got the Betterware catalogue?

ad infinitum

What do you notice about that display of activity in the O'Hara household?
That's right....
NONE OF IT IS FOR ME!! AGAIN!!

I'm going on strike.  Or getting a butlers outfit! Or I'm going to start putting notices on the front door like at Buckingham Palace...


Picture Credit: Google Images